UNTITLED

Someday if I become a writer, whose writings get published and are read by others, I will write differently.

I will have more money

A new big house perhaps

Lots of things to stuff in in that house


May be I will be a better human being than what I am now.


Till then I remain insensitive, self-centric, and perhaps criminal




me: the other day nantu was telling that his co. might just take abhijeet

Runa: hmm when?

me: on sunday

I mean he said that on sunday

Runa: did he talk to someone?

Coz abhijit is loosing confidence now

me: he said he was not getting the time - but got reminded by our talk that he is supposed to talk to someone

i told him that - losing confidence

Runa: ok

and what did he say then?

me: he is waiting for a propitious time I guess

Runa: who is waiting?

me: such things need a specific setting - time mood etc

Runa: meaning?

I am not getting you

me: i mean he cant just go and talk to any related person for a reference - there must be some corporate protocol for it

Runa: oh ok

like that

hmm may be

me: or else if its out of his way - that is it doesnt come under his scope than he will create such a space to deliver

I dont know though

Runa: but how does nantu da know that convergys might take abhijit when he has not spoken to anyone yet?

me: i didnt say he hasnt s[oken to anyone

he must have thats why he gave that feedback

Runa: oh...I assumed

:O

hmm ok...so it is looking a little positive from convergys then?

me: i get three such calls per day - i will forward them to abs

Runa: hopefully it converts well soon. Poor abhijit.

me: all for tech writing

Runa: yah do

Sent at 10:19 on Thursday

me: I ate a valium ten today after years

Runa: good

how are you feeling?

me: elated

only cough

Runa: ok

me: But otherwise i & my family is getting tensed with this over-lengthened stay of guests home

Runa: but then bhabhi was the one who was all gungho about getting rekha bhabhi to come to your place

me: not really tensed but apparently my wife is getting driled

thats the irony with women

of her class

Runa: not with women

in general

haan right of her kind

me: i tend to correct

Runa: who are not really clear as to wat they want and what they like

me: exactly

Runa: and just kill themselves trying to please everyone around

me: right

i wrote years back

Runa: what?

me: Rasoi me umra banati aurat ka dharma hota avasaad

avsaad means pain

Runa: hmm

me: I had a series infact

Sent at 10:25 on Thursday

me: and while I engaged in an acerbic exchange of comments regarding your blog on feminism, I cried helplessly for having got misunderstood

remembering so manhy of my such writings

Runa: when?

me: your feminism blogs - to all my male readers

Runa: hmm

me: lets talk over it at some other destined hour

Runa: haan

right now I am stuck with this time consuming, yet fruitless task

Sent at 10:28 on Thursday

me: the last statement (just in case you might forget) which I will take up in the next fracas-prone chemically catalyzed, partly-musical, partly-selfentertaining session would be a construction of yours in one of our last chats -

Runa: construction of me?

me: As I learnt of feminism - you commented - I would need clarifications on that - for my knowledge and information

Runa: I am confused and it will eat my head

so you better ask right away

because in the past few occasions you seem to talk more nonsense when drunk than I do

so better you don't ask it then

me: no no its not anything important - atleast in comparision to earning money

Runa: hmm

Sent at 10:32 on Thursday

me: the only nonsense I talked last time was about geographical distances

Runa: yah

Sent at 10:38 on Thursday

me: I was hurt by a fact that your analytical acumen prevented you from feeling a simple point that you were speaking something to a person who was emotionally charged due to a hurt inflicted his father , and to add to you seemed to be rationalizing the hurt, by comparing it to similar and definitely more grave assaults that have happened to your family by the same inflictor,

my reaction was emotional

Runa: yah...true...so was mine

me: so why were you condemning my outburst

against raju mama

Runa: I was also not liking the fact that though raju mama is what he is....your whole family was trying to play under the tag "we are helpless save us..."

which I find bullshit

me: so what alternative does my family have

give me one

Runa: deal with it like adults of the family

me: and specifically what is that

Runa: like others have done

me: what have they done tell me point

Runa: Ignore it

Ignored

me: how many times

Runa: since we all know he does not mean it.

my father has done it for very many times

but then again, it is a choice. he ignored it coz he still loves him

me: right and my papa doesnt - is the corollary right

Runa: but there is def no love when it come to raju mama, suchi nani equation

no....bade papa had it been left alone to him...would have forgotten it

me: at this point of time all have forgotten it

I am not at all bothered abt it now

Runa: yah....

me: I am bothered only about your choice of analytical lines which become egocentric to the extent of being called insensitive at times

this will show up in the arrangement of words

Runa: The thing is tukun da, for you all your behavior is to be excused on lines of emotion and blah...but sadly it does not come to be applied to us

me: Bottom line - I fault

AGREED UNCONDITIONALLY

Runa:

me: NEXT TIME YOUR FATHER IS HURT (GOD FORBID) I WILL SPEAK REAL VENOM AGAINST HIM

Runa: hmm

do that if it helps you....

me: JUST TO CHECK YOUR RATIONAL JUDGEMENTS

NOTHING HELPS ME THAN ME

Runa: just for the record....I never spoke any venom against bade papa. All I said was pitched against you and others like suchi nani, mina nani

me: AND MONEY FROM WHOMESOEVER I GET

Runa: To be sure, you can check with bulu and abhijit, if I ever said anything against bade papa.

Sent at 10:52 on Thursday

me: No need for that - i am an old dope so probability of distorted recollections are more with me

just happy to know that i am still a poet at heart ,

Runa: yah be happy.

me: thats cyclical

Sent at 10:54 on Thursday

me: i will let papa give you a call once

and let him narrate

Runa: It is....cause thing with you seen from my perspective is you always apply millions and zillions(exagerating)of conditions for yourself to be understood and not misunderstood and we are supposed to understand that and work accordingly. But when it comes to me, you do not take anything into consideration, that may be I was drunk, may be I was hurt by suchi nani and mina nani's overprojected pain....

me: I agree to that

Runa: Let Bade papa react naa...why is the whole family reacting I do not get this. I understand you all love him and all....but then let him deal with it.

Now, if I have a fight with bubloo and he abuses me ....are you going to fight for me?

me: at the first instance its not plain abuse

well lets not get along more

I take your point - if papa has a problem - let him react

I incarnate Indifference

Runa: no...that is also not what I mean

All i mean is, complain crib, be angry everything is fair....

me: How far did suchi nani & meena's cribbing reach -

Runa: but in doing all this be a little careful to not make out the other person as a monster

Bania para, our families,

especially in a place like raigarh, it matters what x, y, z is hearing and thinking

me: and how many such news do you have of raju mama's sledging towards suchi nani

Runa: if it was a bigger city relations fade...

Did I ever say that if raju mama is doing it it is fine

I am only telling you suchi nanis part, coz you empathized with them...and coz perhaps you could have a say there

when it comes to raju mama you or me have no say

and I do not have a person like you to whom I can let my venom (as you say) out

me: but these are different weapons of outburst - raju does it in ganja chowk , at public meetings, even at family drinks with us, with papa's friends in isolation - suchi meena and their kind do it in baniya para\

Runa: yah which is publis enough

public

and both of them are doing it in their capacities, in their circles

me: And who started it all

Runa: both

me: You mean to say suchi nani began speaking against raju mama some time in past to which raju mama reacted

Runa: for me both of them look playing equally cheap shots

me: Didnt I tell you the last time that - the line of we are helpless was coined by me

Runa: thing is When it comes to Suchi nani side of story there are more irritating characters attached to that side of the story....liek mina nani, which makes it more dirty....

me: Irritating to you

Runa: Yah, I know....and that is why I reacted....otherwise I would have choosen to look down on it,,,like I do most times

but I found it disgusting that it was one of your emotional liners

me: Ok fine - I took a practical decision - of snapping ties

cause there are better ways of living

Runa: yes....

do that if you think you can get even like that

me: I will give my try and effort

God has already blessed me - its for the world that the remaining blessings are left

Runa: yah if you think severing your ties with Raju mama and family is a good loss and help you personally then do it

me: Not with me

I am emotionally attached to that person

but on practical ground I will request him to severe ties with my family like he did it with Delhi ma's

Sent at 11:09 on Thursday

me: I might me wrong - But the crux of all this discussion brings me back to the feel of that day - you are defending a person who repeatedly threatened to hit my father with shoes

Runa: hmm yah good idea....if nothing comes out of it, atleast this will happen ki people who love some people from both the families, would be releaved of the whole tension in future

I am not defending or offending anyone

for me I love both of them

me: you are not intending to

Runa: I repeatedly said that day and repeating it again today, I reacted only against Suchi nani, Mina nai

nani

me: but you never know the effect an utterance in words - meanings metamorphose the moment they form words

But all this while I wanted to gain some information on your learning feminism

just that you commented on my talking nonsense over drinks that i drifted to this topic

Runa: hmmm and then you say I get egoistic

me: yes i feel that

Runa:

when you could not take one sentence well and started drifting

me: a day earlier when we still were having the same topic at your home and then at abs

your tone and constructions were different, and abhijeet uttered that he would have grown violent at such a situation while I didnt

Sent at 11:16 on Thursday

Runa: you did not?

oh not the day when we were drinking?

me: He was talking abt the incident betn raju and papa

no

Runa: hmm yah yah

No, I am sorry if you got a hint ki I have problems with you reacting

going forward, I will keep mu mouth shut when it comes you, suchi nani, your wife, and your kid.

When it is about bade papa i will speak personally with him

me: so when I was drunk, and the incident again started and I find someone who is trying to rationalize the hurt, I got hyper, and that perhaps made me talk all nonsense

Runa: No it is alright. I should not comment on anyones reactions....except my own....it is foolish

me: may be

Runa: especially, when it is about your wife and suchi nani you do not take it well at all

me: until it stops enriching your experience,

Runa: and about bhabhi I speak never with malice but only with concern

me: so do i

i love her out of pity

Runa: but then I caan understand you reacting emotionally

me: my mistake was - i should have understood your drunkenness that day

Runa: but then....I am reacting no different today as well

right

me: thats why i am talking this way

we could have wound things up by calling it an alcoholic mayhem

and enjoyable too

Runa: i think....it would be intelligent of me not to comment on Suchi, Mina, and your wife....you get all mixed up and extremly emotional

me: but you accused me of talking nonsense - and for most parts of my introspection i find you right

i wanted to chalk down a plan for the next session of drinks - but maybe I dont qualify

Runa: why?

me: Wasting alcohol on talking sense is not my forte - anyday

at the end of the day - let the gods decide

Runa: it is no bodys just a clarification

hmm

me: will now post this conversation on my blog

good one

Runa: hmm

Sent at 11:26 on Thursday

me: At times I feel - being so self-centric (as suggested by your comments here) how have I managed to write - may be its all a fluke for the last 25 years

all writings without a soul

Runa: You can really manage to piss me off.

me: why

Runa: because, you can use words against anyone(stressing on anyone) without any remorse, but for most of me...I cannot do that with you...

me: this again indicates another serious malfunctioning in my capacities - that of comprehension - I might have miscarried the element in your words here

Runa: Talking about soul....yes you do have one....but you sure are very self focussed....which for me is not a bad thing

but coming back to how one can be many things in one lifetime

coming back to your words "everything is temporal."

You could be both...withouth really showing any personality disorders

me: But underlining structures for others to understand me and evading all preconditions in understanding others is criminally authoritative of me

Runa: it is

so, what about it?

me: An endless hibernation

may be bharat chacha knows more of it

Runa: hmm

Sent at 11:33 on Thursday

me: I lost my already depleting confidence after this chat - not just out of self pity and remorse - but as an organic feeling - I resign to find myself a sinner against mankind

Sent at 11:34 on Thursday

Runa: very well

and I resign as one who is guilty of making a saint feel like a ghost

me: ok

different destinies

Runa: saint feel like a sinner

Sent at 11:37 on Thursday

You are no longer signed in to chat.

Revisiting Democracy

There are various definitions of democracy I learned over my years as a student. I never paid much attention to any of them. Conversely they remained rather boring and ignored texts in my school books. On some occasions, I heard my friends debate over it and managed to discern some definitive features to the word. At another time, another day, I became helplessly forgetful. With worlds of beautiful things happening to my age then, it would have been foolish to attach more time to the understanding and defining of democracy. I wasted luxuriously in the company of women, music and dreams.
Fifteen years hence, at this age today, I learn of Barack Obama winning the US presidential elections. ‘Change has come to America’ one of the headlines flashes on a browser before me. My office buzzes with the breaking news as does the world, or so it seems. We start exchanging views, engage in speculations, get back to work. I think of ‘change’ and remember the word democracy.

Although a universally acceptable definition for the word is still contentious (and rightly so to be in the democratic spirit), there are a couple of principles inclusive to all its allied concepts. First that all members of the society have equal access to opportunities and second that all members enjoy universally accepted freedom and liberties. Fair enough, one must say because what’s more valid than a free society. That is to speak of a society where Mangal a sweeper sips his tea in the same hotel as Raghav a brahmin. Or Kaneez a girl studies in the same ranks as Omar a boy. Or in the same sense, Barrack Obama, a black becomes the president of America.

The change has certainly come in, I think before I write. My thoughts take me home, to that serpentine alley in Ganja Chowk, Raigarh. In the room facing the street, my daughter plays with her friends. Aged between 3-5 most of them belong to the same neighborhood. A heap of toys gathers at the center with children weaving their lives around it. At a distance, near the threshold stands Ria, our maidservant’s granddaughter. She reluctantly makes it to the swarm of children and manages to touch a plastic locomotive from the heap. A little later when all the kids are made to sit in a row to share the Puja Prasad, she involuntarily takes an obscure corner.
Born to a lower caste and relatively poorer family, Ria explains a different childhood to me. Once again I think of democratic rights.

This time the image is that of my student days. Back then in college, we generally noticed the scheduled tribe and scheduled caste students, making groups among themselves. It was noticeably rare that one of them shared time or space with us. Though theoretically we did possess the equality, but it usually felt as if we belonged to different worlds. I clearly remember the dementia of those times when during the anti-Mandal commission uproar, faces from the other world bore an expression of utter fear. Once when my girlfriend asked me about the Mandal commission and the entailing disturbance, I jokingly said – ‘it’s preventing that lovely black girl from snatching me from you’.

My girlfriend might just have supported the anti-reservation antics but coming back to my joke, I find it all the more serious. It remains a fact that for centuries the dominant class has fringed its binary, being both grossly exploitative in its intent and shrewdly manipulative in its approach. The past few decades of laissez faire have served well to widen the divide. Today in India we have fourth highest number of dollar billionaires in the planet and simultaneously we rank 126th in the Human Development Indicators which means its better to be a poor person in Bolivia (the poorest nation in South America). CEO salaries recorded an all time high last year while we have 836 million people living on less than Rs 20 a day. A new restaurant opens everyday in some city of the country, while in the last five years we added more newly hungry millions than the rest of the world. Our economic growth rate is said to attain envious proportions and yet farmer indebtedness has doubled in the last decade, from 26.2% in 1991 to 46.3% in 2001. Inequalities are bound to rise with unbridled capitalism and lack of a firm political will.
It’s as a result of this long-term uni-polarity of power that my maidservant’s granddaughter understands life from a window my daughter perhaps would never choose to peep through. Or in that case black girls would never ever snatch me from my girlfriends.

With Obama’s historic victory, the promise for a change has been agreed upon by many to arrive. My limited resources of intellectual capital prevent me to analyze the magnitude and nature of this deemed change. Secure within the laziness of a careless writer, I barely get to understand that he stops the misadventures like restoring democracy in Iraq and Afganistan and attends to rather urgent calls like re-structuring the American farm bill, where a reduction in subsidies to the cotton farmers alone could feed a million children more in Africa. Off late, sledging America on various grounds has been an order of the day in the developing world. May be the president takes account of such voices, and explores why in the first place did they arise? In short, he could re-visit the word democracy, and apply it with honesty.

As far as India is concerned, we have so many Americas within us; need to sort those out first. We need to ascertain that across the country in our homes, children like Ria have a stake, we need to gather that eyes of black women have dreams too.

Will write tomorrow or day after, that is to say, I will not write now

Khamosh Adaalat Jaari Hai

me: comrade free?

Amalendu: no

me: k

Sent at 16:52 on Tuesday

Amalendu: hai...

had a meeting with students...

now free...

me: how much income tax do i pay when i get a consultancy of 38000 per month

approx fig

Amalendu: aprox. income is 4.5Lakhs per annum right?

me: 4.2

Amalendu: do you have any saving in LIC, PF, PPF, ELSS

me: no chance narang saheb

Amalendu: or NSC or five yer fixed deposit in bank?

me: no darling

Amalendu: ok

Sent at 17:44 on Tuesday

Amalendu: 5k+20k+35k= about 60k

but...

me: saath hazaar

ok

Amalendu: consultancy income has lot of loopholes...

me: ya

Amalendu: you can show quite a bit as expenditure....

me: like

house rent can i shownt be

Amalendu: all telephone expenses, travel expenses...

me: ok

Amalendu: food and lodging...

me: ok

but how did u calculate?

Amalendu: buying computer or internet or laptop...(depriciation about 50% of the cost of comp or laptop)

upto 1.1 lakh no tax

me: k

Amalendu: 1.1 to 1.5 (10%)

me: ok

Amalendu: 1.5 to 2.5(20%)

2.5 and above 30%

me: ok

so out of my 4.2

only 3.2 is getting taxed

Amalendu: yes

even you can deduct your house rent...

me: and if i invest 50000 then?

Amalendu: how much rent do you pay?

me: 4500pm

Amalendu: do all the calculation for the financial year...

don't give me monthly picture..

when did you join this job?

me: June

Amalendu: ok..

that means you have 9 months income this year..

right..

me: ya

and in my consultancy fee its written that its against 18 days every month

Amalendu: thats ok..

you dont have anyother income right?

me: no

thats not accounted i mean

Amalendu: so your this financial years income is 3.4lakhs

me: ya

Amalendu: deduct house rent from that

me: ok

Amalendu: 40K

me: just tell me if i invest 50k somewhere what happens is it deducted

Amalendu: for 9 months

remaining is 3 lakhs

me: ok

Amalendu: deduct some expenses in travel say 20K

me: ya

2.8

Amalendu: remaining 2.8 Lakhs

deduct telephne expenses say 10K

me: ok

Amalendu: 2.7 lakhs

do you have a comp or laptop?

me: office laptop

but i can show a computer

and cameras

Amalendu: yes

what is the aprox. price of both?

me: 2k

Amalendu: what?

me: 2lakh

Amalendu: take only one thing this time may be comp not camera...

me: ok

Amalendu: use camera for next year IT calculation...

me: thats only 40000

Amalendu: so 20K is depriciation of Comp

me: ok

2.5 bacha

Amalendu: so remaining 2.5K

2.5 L

me: ya

Amalendu: yes

do you have distance travel like air travel train expenses?

and lodging...

me: that was borne by office

Amalendu: did you spend anything from your pocket...like your wife and child travelling?

me: ya

not much

Amalendu: how much aprox?

in the financial year...

me: very little two trips to raigarh and back

2000

Amalendu: you dont have to produce bills./////

me: ok

thats so human

Amalendu: take 3A fair and make it about 5 or 10K

me: ok

Amalendu: remaining 2.4L

me: ya

Amalendu: now from this upto 1.1 L

no tax

me: ok

Amalendu: 1.1 to 1.5 10% i.e. 4K tax

1.5 to 2.4 20% i.e. 18K tax

total 22K tax

me: ok

and now if i do a LIC of 50000 then

Amalendu: now if you invest in section 80 ie. pf, ppf etc

say 50K

me: k

Amalendu: your tax liability will be 4k+8k = 12k

me: ok

Amalendu: I would suggest invest in tax saving mutual funds

me: ok

will do that

Amalendu: DSP ML tax saver or SBI Magnum tax gain

me: will do with SBI

Amalendu: lock in period is 3 years and growth is better...

me: ok

Amalendu: you should also buy mediclaim policy for your family

me: how much does that cost

Amalendu: being in hyderabad it may be useful

me: because my cash is so sporadic in nature

Amalendu: spend 2k you will get for about 1 lakh for the family

this is for the year

me: 2k means 2 lakhs

Amalendu: no

2000

me: 2000

ok

Amalendu: buy from Natiaonal Insurance

me: so initially how much money does this mediclaim needs to be put in

Amalendu: govt. one

no just 2000 aprox for 1L

me: ok

fine

Amalendu: you can put 4k for 2L

this is nonrefundabale

me: and does it mean recurring at some intervals

Amalendu: every year you have to renew it...

me: ok

good

Amalendu: if there is no claim in previous year you get some bonous

it is like car insurance

me: and SBI mutual funds whom or where do they sell that

Amalendu: but necessary when you are away from your home in a big city and with a small child

me: ya

Amalendu: any agent will do that

me: ok

Amalendu: just ask your office a/c he will help you

me: ya just did that and she is calling a person

Amalendu: am I sounding like a proper finacial advisor?

me: yes very enlightening

be one u will earn more

Amalendu: still I dont file my own return...

me: OK

Amalendu: I take help of an agent...

me: FINAL QUESTION

WHAT IF I DONT FILE RETURN THIS YEAR

Amalendu: agent takes about 300 rupees and does everything for you

me: HOW MUCH AM I FINED LATER

Amalendu: how much TDS your organisation deducts from you?

me: 10%

I TAKE HOME 34K

Amalendu: which means you have already paid more than 30K tax right?

me: YA

Amalendu: you have to file the return to claim the refund...

thats first thing...

me: YA THATS WHAT MY BOSS TOLD

Amalendu: second and most important thing is if your are travelling abroad...

3 years IT return works very positivly for your visa

me: OK

Amalendu: do you have PAN?

me: YES

Amalendu: good

me: got it in June

Amalendu: will this be your first IT return?

me: yes boss

Amalendu: great welcome to Govt. of India

me: thanks I am honoured

so now i am buying this sbi mutual fund

how much does this cost

Amalendu: are you planning to invest 50K?

me: if get a salary this month or else 25

Amalendu: whatever is the amount divide it between two

me: ok

Amalendu: I would suggest some good part in DSP ML Tax saver

me: ok

Amalendu: the NAV of it is about 15

per unit

me: ok

Amalendu: and SBI Magnum Tax gain NAV is about 60 per unit

me: ok

what is DSP

Amalendu: go for 60% in DSP and and 40% in SBI

me: ok

Amalendu: DSP Maryll Lynch

me: ok

Amalendu: a company

me: ya

fir wo bazaar me mera paisa laga denge

Amalendu: yes

you can check daily NAV in business news paper

or http://myiris.com/mutual/

me: ok

so i will do this coz my ac says we are getting salaries

Amalendu: long time back I bought Reliance Diversified power sector growth at 23 rupees

me: ok

Amalendu: now it is 75

yes

me: i pumped in 50000 last month when the market crashed

Amalendu: after or before crash?

me: at the time of crash

Amalendu: good

me: now its gaining

Amalendu: nice...which companies?

me: dont know ---its a desi mutual fund concept where u have a friend whom u trust

Amalendu: he invests

me: ya

he had been my asst in Bombay

Amalendu: is he a Gujarati?

me: yes

Jatin Popat

Amalendu: good....

dont worry...they are trust worthy in money matter...

me: ya he is a raigarhiya

Amalendu: and no one can better time this market than those...

me: thats all the more untrustworthy though

In 2001 I lost 1 lac in this shares business just due to trust

Amalendu: for me also a guy advises...from Ahmedabad...

me: ok

my shares are from reliance

Amalendu: for long term banking sector seems to be good...

me: no idea

Amalendu: particularly in 2009 and 10 you can get the return if you invest today...

me: ok

Amalendu: thats my analysis

me: i just spend so much that nothing is left to invest

propensity to save is conspicuously absent

Amalendu: and I have not invested a single rupee directly in stock market...

me: GOI should subsidize liquour

and people who admire women should get tax waivers

Amalendu: match called off

me: bad

do I post this chat on my blog

Amalendu: yes

me: yes

there are so many confused souls

the other day i was reading abt taimur lane - the mongol

Amalendu: haan...

me: he was a strange character - somebody with that much violence is extraordinary

Amalendu: true...

me: gyanesh was online yesterday

and he sent me a film

Amalendu: which one?

me: soft core pornography

Amalendu: ok

me: I ate his head with hardcore messages

Amalendu: ha...ha...

me: my wife is coming on the 8th

we will plan a visit feb end

Amalendu: yes.. that would be nice...

me: bcoz tini's kid will be one year old on march 1

so that can also be attended to

Amalendu: april 11 or 13 we are planning Aadi's mundan...

me: good

Amalendu: in Subramanya temple...

me: children look beautiful with tonsured heads

Amalendu: yes...

me: that temple in puttur

Amalendu: as such he has very less hair...

like me

me: haha

Amalendu: no...

me: blore

Amalendu: it is near deepika's village a famous Kartikeya temple...

me: ok

Amalendu: even Sachin Tendulkar visited that...

me: then its good

Amalendu: its 40 km from Puttur

me: ok

i remember that temple with a fish pond

and ashwini

Amalendu: i.e. Mahalingeswara in Puttur...

me: ya

Amalendu: ashwini is in TISS Mumbai...

me: ya she scrapped around august

Amalendu: thats long time...

me: really

people should be more sensitive

Amalendu: yes..

me: all social sciences are based on that

Amalendu: what?

me: sensitivity

Amalendu: sensitivity?

ok

me: and did u learn driving

Amalendu: which part of your body is most sensitive?

NO

me: thighs

because they are weak

Amalendu: all social sciences are based on thighs....

me: In fact

Amalendu: this seems to be logic...

me: good

Amalendu: foundation of philosophy...

ha..ha..

me: ya

bunny had written a wonderful paper on right to philosophy

will send you that

Amalendu: send...

me: went

next month onwards i start studying fo r my MA

Amalendu: yes

me: they have a week long gap between each paper

so thats enough to read five questions

Amalendu: yes...

but will you travel every week?

me: Did you read anything by this years Eco nobel laureate couple

one of them never had formal training in economics

Amalendu: no

so also many past laureate

me: thats good

did u see sashi on saturday

Amalendu: yes

me: and beers

Amalendu: he was asking about you a

no

here in our Academy

me: ok

Amalendu: we had a Research Advisory Committe meeting

me: ok

Amalendu: he is one of the members

me: one of my optional papers is Research methodology

Amalendu: he asked whats your plan about that documentary...

me: I am finishing the website of my org and then i take a plunge

Amalendu: I told him about your sending a mail to Sainath...

he is interested in short films...

me: thinking of getting it funded by stakeholders and approaching somebody like raghubir yadav for the role

Amalendu: he was telling that that there lenses available where you can get the depth of film in video camera...

me: yes

Amalendu: he wants to buy those and make short films

me: In the camera format he has only one camera comes with that film look

Amalendu: he has started appreciating film from the depth of photography angel....

me: This technology is called progressive scan

Amalendu: ok

me: He has to shoot with artificial lights once to get the real film effect

Sent at 18:46 on Tuesday

Amalendu is busy. You may be interrupting.

Mujhe Jhakjhorti smritiyon me
abki baar
thakaan ke alaawa
bastar aur loktantra

jaan kar maan nahi paane ka dukh
jaise dopahar do ki deewar
aur samudra ki kaid

kapde utaarte eeshwar
nange nakshatro ke alawa
yaad waali aurat ka jooda

harqat ko bazaar banate
vishwa ka anant
syah-safed
lal cheentiyon ki ankahi


translations welcome

On the terrace opposite
she skipped ropes in time

as clouds made shapes of her going away
we tried

to assign
smells to touches
and colors to tastes

for years now
the streets flood
in stories of her children

one of them
as i remember
crawls to my bed

underneath pillows of stones
where are the tiny fish
that once tickled her underfeet

dried to a drop
is that my kelo

are these the stories now
that i tender
for times after her going away

a butterfly lost its way through an evening crowd of returning people on and along their vehicles

6-number

Chote pahad ki dhalan utaro to H block
kuch aur aage P&T colony
fir C-Block ki pehli Kataar

Ek aam, dedh aakash ke neeche
Rajan Arora ka ghar

Her smells were ten thousand afternoons away from me
I remembered that I can forget
it s so easy

Rear view

----Scribble-----------------------------

This is not an arrangement for winters to fall in love with women wearing red undergarments, neither is it a report on the infant mortality rates in Dantewada- SouthBastar.

Not to be precise, it has nothing to do with what Savitri’s father left for her before leaving for his seventh pilgrimage in the mid of a soaked rainy day; her mother was irrevocably sad.
In between, they were those same rogues from the Kaser Para who stole in to the courtyard before it just got dark enough to tell the roses from chrysanthemums. They were seven of them, about the same height and stature and even voices. Savitri for that matter had never been to differentiate anyone’s voice on the phone.

(Grandfather detested the phone just for this vice to it. On the days when he still had the strength to find his way into the street and knock Munshi’s door for an orgasmic vent of nostalgia, he laid out an elaborate plan for a rebellion against the Department of Telecommunications in the country. Munshi is believed to have perished under the burden of quoting the cost of the movement which by any chance had to be raised at the mercy of their sons and daughters)

“She is in” first voice
“He out” Second
“Pluck it”First
“Why was he called the father of the nation when its more like he’s the grandfather”Third
“Shut Up Tamboli”Second

Did Tamboli shut his mouth or not is a question of infinite importance for the story to continue. But for the time being readers have to console with a rather cryptic piece of information that 26 years later when Prof.Jambalendu Khotishi was to deliver a lecture on alternative agricultural practices at the University of Budapest, the student who repeatedly looked out of the window and winked his eyes 61 times a minute gestured him for a private talk.

“I need to talk to you”
“Talk” said the professor
“Not here…come with me”

“He actually had not kept his mouth shut” the nervous boy told after they journeyed to the other part of the city, far from the calm of a university, into a mesh of shops and lights.

“And why do you tell me that” the professor pretended not to look quizzed.
“Because Savitri had wanted it “
Professor knew that it was important to know about Savitri., but the students were waiting at the University, and the officials even, how embarrassed they must be feeling at the guests queries, after all those bespectacled oldies on the first row had managed to be there for his speech…But even hearing of Savitri was more important than other things…leave aside getting a path breaking information of her whereabouts…what does it matter that all this boy churns up here is trash…he seems to be uttering SAVITRI…what a solace in all these 26 years when he had been used to hear this word only in his voice…

“Savitri had wanted to undress Tamboli that night..Mishra Ji misunderstood the offer and then even the roses didn’t smell like roses, you know these hybrid types…the boy continued for exactly 3 hours 28 minutes.
Later that evening when Professor recounted the incident of meeting Savitri’s mitochondrial boy, he wept.

ZOBROED

I

It has been a couple of years that I died there. Nevertheless, the place continues to be the same .
Its even true for me.
Death didnt change much of my apetitie even. I am still a small-eater.

II


BOOKS

FILMS

SMELLS

TOUCHES

HOURS

MY RIVER

HER PAINS

Maaya in Marquez - I

Its time that I write about Gabriel Garcia Marquez again.(Or do I write because of him.)

‘Memories of my melancholy whores’ is Marguez’s first work of fiction in the last ten years…That’s what the introductory blurb to the book says. The previous book by him had been ‘Living to tell the tale’. Orthodox literary reviews suggest concrete autobiographical attributes to that book. In fact it has been accepted as an autobiography.

I have read them both, proudly enough within a month of their publication. The result has always been the same, an irresistible urge to fall in love. May be with words, or with that old woman announcing her presence at five in the morning through my deserted alley.

I have been seeing her for the last thirty years or so, with a basket atop her head carrying bundled sticks to brush our teeth that she barters for a handful of rice. Her skin seems far to meager to contain her body and the wrinkles identify with dunes of a great desert. Every so often I think what sounds would wake my alley up after she dies. But isn't she more than dead, walking twenty kilometers for almost a century, challenging the MNC’s like Colgate, HLL, etc. with her brush-sticks she collects in the jungle to earn a little rice; or is it life?

Garcia Marquez and the old lady raise certain simple questions. In this writing, I want to put up few points regarding the much structured definitions of Fiction and Non-fiction as two distinct genres, specifically in the case of Marquez.

Before I get into my thesis, here are a few humble and honest confessions.
This writing is purely non-academic, drawing from an organic point that it pens from someone holed up in an obscure place in semi-urban India without a scholarly attitude but a genuine interest to read and get inspired to write.
This is not a book review either.
Finally I would like to title this piece as ‘Maya in Marquez’

On his ninetieth birthday, a man decides to gift himself with a night full of wild passion with an adolescent virgin. The encounter spurs his nostalgia. He recounts and relives his past libertine excesses, only to console himself with an unavoidable truth that sex is a helpless substitute for love. This agony guides him to his solitary escape as a writer. He writes about his love in his weekly newspaper column and in turn becomes the most famous man in the town. That’s the story for us. Fiction; one may call it.

To the earlier book now- ‘Living to tell the tale’. In the first page itself, Marquez receives his mother who wants him to accompany her to sell their ancestral house. Subsequently we learn about their bizarre journey to Aracataca. Re-unions with bygone familiarities. We get informed of the author’s passion to become a writer despite considerable domestic resistance. His education. His politics. Women. Life. Music. And success. The narrative is nonlinear and is structured in concentric spirals of tense. Non-fiction; one may term it.

After reading ‘Living to tell the tale’ I realised that almost all I have read of him have had their embryos in his real life. In a sense, his writings do have a strong autobiographical basis. But the point is, whatever the case may be, autobiographical resources contrived with imagery or pure fancy interweaved with factual events, it makes a little difference. Because what ends up are printed pages bound in a book, and the grind of creating it is a different realm. It can never be comprehended by structured conceptions of the real an unreal. Just the way, one cant comprehend life in conceptions.

Art and only art has this power to transcend reality in order to comprehend it. Marquez does it by telling tales and the old lady by selling her stcks.

To be contd.

For desires I would like to harness, a poem after long.


A lesser gray agianst a dark gray against the black
Hills and nights

Intimate murmurs against a silence against the wind
Rivers and nights

Old smells against her salty back against a desire
Nights and nights

Dumb-Bell & Plastic Money

I bought the dumbbells and a pair of skates and even a carrom board. Significantly for me I paid by the debit card, obviously for the first time in my life. It was a nervous decision. For once, I even decided against undergoing this tech-ordeal and stepped out of the shop. Outside, by the street, vehicles threatened with their volumes and sounds. It would have been a rather foolish decision to venture into searching an ATM, withdraw cash and return back. Withdrawing cash is always a dicy proposition, you never know how much to spend and hence withdraw more than you need and the remainder evaporates mysteriously. I even came to think that when I had almost succeeded in accomplishing my task for the day (imagine I had searched a sports shop and despite its grand looks managed to step in and despite the in-crowd which seemed far too much comfortable than me, had managed to communicate my needs to a salesman) why retrace?
Should bank on the situational progress rather - I thought as my hands tremored while handing the card to the salesman. I followed him to the machine which reads such cards. A dark strip on its back tells things about my richness or poverty, the machine learns inroads to my wallet and debits the need-sum to balance the payments. I do not surprise on that. It has been long that I pride my scientific acumen.

On the way back I call Mukesh and relate him to this new achievement. Plastic money experience comes to me only months after I saw a barter trade still so much alive in south Bastar, Chhattisgarh.

Tresspassing

It has just been over a year that I wrote anything on this platform. In between, I didnt actually write anything at all. This particular writing happens from a moment of absolute blankness. I am on a table with a system thats not mine, my head is oscillating between two thoughts of buying dumbells or not. A thick book, that I have been reading for the last one day is threatning to pull out its spell on me and I fear I might again relapse into that pleasure of not having to read to write anything.
And thus precisely this writng commences.
I have had this recent desire to write a political fiction on Bastar. May be about the kids with whom I spent a wonderful learning time, or about the tribal who are suddenly subject to endless urban vices and yet survive. It may also shape up like a travelogue, or a report. A short story would be what I prefer.
Then I have those aborted stories still infecting my mind. A couple of them potential ones I bet. Or should I give it a try in Hindi, has been 6 years that I wrote in that language.

Nevertheless.

I want to think this useless thought again - why to write ...or more precisely, why to write when its not happening the way I would have longed it to.

I searched the answer for hardly ten seconds - the easiest reason that comes is that its good to be typing without bothering about the language, without caring the syntax, the structure, just concentrating on the speed. And how it pleases when one entire sentences goes on correct without the finger forced to trace a back key.

Its good to be typing, honestly, without bothering for the traffic jam that sounds at the corner of this street, without bothering that this street which is more than 1700kms away from my home has been seeing me for the last 26 days and yet I find myself a stranger here. Or in that case its simply fine to be typing without considering the new sticky mass of memory thats just started growing in my guts like a freah algae cover on a decaying old wall.

I dont know if this is the reason why I should write but more importantly I would not like to know a reason for writing and understanding why Pushkala is not here with me.